Chaos

I am trying hard to be positive about things but this is my blog, this is who I am, this is what I feel. I am beyond thankful for an incident that happened last night. I was shaken up from it. I was told last minute that Madi had a dance performance at Dixie High School that they neglected to put on the schedule. I had to leave work a little bit early so that I could help her with her hair and she would have time to do her make-up. You know, I am just the mom and I have no experience what so ever with make-up. In all seriousness Madi does a very good job with her make-up and I am very glad that I don’t have to help her. She has watched so many tutorials and her and her cute friends practice all the time.

   

Anyway, I was looking for a parking place at the school and there wasn’t anything available so I asked my friend that lives near the school if I could park in her drive way. As I was heading towards the cross walk there was an older lady that was getting ready to cross as well, I hollered to her and ask for her to wait and I told her that there was safety in numbers. We made it half way across the cross walk and I told her we need to make sure that the cars come to a complete stop as the first car stopped we were just getting ready to move when a big truck came out and rear ended the car and pushed it into the cross walk. It barely missed us.

As, I was talking to Jennie about this today she said that I have a right to be mad, that my kids and my life could have been drastically changed. I am beyond thankful for the many angels that watch over us and for the safety that was bestowed upon me and the lady I was walking with.

While I was waiting for Madi, Marty sat near me. He told me that he was going to sale the house and that he was going to be able to receive equity from the home. He also told me that he was going to be moving into Dixie boundaries.

See, I few things about this bother me. HE HAS EVERYTHING from our former home. All, I took was my personal belongings such as clothing, the piano, pictures, I did take the desk top computer because he had a laptop, and some things that were in the family. He on the other hand wouldn’t even let the kids bring over anything from their room, clothing, etc. I remember the first day in my new house sitting in the kitchen crying worried about the kids not having any silverware to eat from.  I am also still two payments away from having the carpet and his truck paid for from my 401k. 

I am hurt by his selfishness. I lived with this for 18 years… I am so thankful that I am not anymore but I am extremely hurt. I am hurt that he is getting re-married in the temple a place that I can count on one hand that he and I went together and when I went alone he would be rude to me and get very upset. THE TEMPLE for heaven sakes…. I have to remind myself that a leopard’s spots don’t change.  

Last night I wasn’t able to get my work out in but I will today. I will do a longer one to make up for yesterday. I have still been doing very well with my nutrition. I was able to spend a couple of hours with Ike before needing to leave for Madison dance.

I finished the book that I was reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman. I learned a lot from this book. I liked how there were years that went into the studies. There were things that were mention that I have heard in my own marriage counseling. Many of those things lacked. I feel that a learned how I can react to situations differently with anyone that I love and care about not just in a marriage. Now to find my next book. I have really loved diving into reading again.